Ok, picture this......
Castle grounds, Me, Dillon the dog, Millie and Josie walking along the river looking at the fish and the ducks.....Dillon on a retractable lead ventures over to the bin, crossing the cycle lane...along comes man on bike, I shout, man on bike doesn't hear, I tug at Dillons lead shouting Dillon, Dillon ignores me, man carries on and rides into Dillon's lead....Crash Bang Wallop.....a big pile of westie, man and bike, Josie cries, I shout at man. I then look at man's bike to find somethind flesh coloured hanging off the handle bar....shit myself thinking his arm has fell off!
Turns out to be a prosthetic arm.......as much as it could have been a really nasty accident and the guy is probably still trying to pick his bike up with his one good hand I couldn't look back.......for pissing myself with laughter!!! Is that really wrong of me???
I did manage to apologise before I fled the scene almost crying.........
I will be going to hell won't I?????
Sunday, 12 October 2008
Saturday, 11 October 2008
A little about my dating history.....
....I'm currently in the process of a divorce and decided that internet dating would be good for a laugh and at least get me out meeting people when the kids are with their dad, a few friends have had success on one particular site so I thought, why not? Can't hurt.................can it??
I don't want a husband, or a perfect body or loads of money, just a drink amd maybe a meal and someone to make me laugh occasionally, I don't think I'm asking for much but maybe I am. I was seeing a guy from the aforementioned dating site, seemed really nice and we managed to get to the fourth date, which I saw as quite positive but then he said that there wasn't a 'spark' which is fair enough, later that day I discovered a lack of spark actually means, 'I got so drunk on our date, I pissed in your bed and now I'm embarrassed!' That one has been written off and sent to the junk file :lol:
I had a date on Thursday this week and he seems ok but again nothing I want to write home about....I seem to attract the ones with just one ok photo, and after we've chatted a bit they show me more photo's....obviously the original picture was taken a few years back on a good day with excellent lighting and from just the right angle, then I can't shake them off....I have a Johnny vegas look-a-like declaring his undying love for me right now and we've never met! He asked me to ring him as he had no credit on his mobile and then told me he was busy catalogue shopping for a lacoste jumper and trainers......is it just me or is that not the best way to sell yourself????
A friend of mine went on a date with a guy who seemed lovely on the phone, when he arrived he looked like a malnourished Steve Carrell with a skin condition......After he bent himself in half to look at her toenails as he loved them so much, alarm bells started....it was only when he told her that he collected royal doulton figurines that the alarm bells got so loud she couldn't take anymore and had to leave!!
You gotta laugh eh???
I don't want a husband, or a perfect body or loads of money, just a drink amd maybe a meal and someone to make me laugh occasionally, I don't think I'm asking for much but maybe I am. I was seeing a guy from the aforementioned dating site, seemed really nice and we managed to get to the fourth date, which I saw as quite positive but then he said that there wasn't a 'spark' which is fair enough, later that day I discovered a lack of spark actually means, 'I got so drunk on our date, I pissed in your bed and now I'm embarrassed!' That one has been written off and sent to the junk file :lol:
I had a date on Thursday this week and he seems ok but again nothing I want to write home about....I seem to attract the ones with just one ok photo, and after we've chatted a bit they show me more photo's....obviously the original picture was taken a few years back on a good day with excellent lighting and from just the right angle, then I can't shake them off....I have a Johnny vegas look-a-like declaring his undying love for me right now and we've never met! He asked me to ring him as he had no credit on his mobile and then told me he was busy catalogue shopping for a lacoste jumper and trainers......is it just me or is that not the best way to sell yourself????
A friend of mine went on a date with a guy who seemed lovely on the phone, when he arrived he looked like a malnourished Steve Carrell with a skin condition......After he bent himself in half to look at her toenails as he loved them so much, alarm bells started....it was only when he told her that he collected royal doulton figurines that the alarm bells got so loud she couldn't take anymore and had to leave!!
You gotta laugh eh???
Friday, 10 October 2008
Road rage + Frank = Carnage!!!
Bloody male drivers......! Now, I won't bore you with the details of how the cars were positioned and why, all you need to know is that I was in the right!!! Some silly guy basically threw his arms around at me until I had to revert to good old fashioned gestures and expletives.......how dare he call me a bad driver, I'm crap at parking but my driving is outstanding!!! He was on my side of the road and complaing he couldn't get his MPV past me, although when I shouted "You can get a ****ing bus through there, you numpty!" He promptly stalled his car and squeezed through muttering under his breath, screwing his face up as if pursing his lips as tight as possible would reduce the size of his car and get him past me a little easier.......needless to say, he got past me as I predicted and just in time for me to call him a big fanny out of my window.........Frank one, moody old MPV driver nil!!!! *chuckles*
A little background......
....for a single mum of 2 children I lead a very eventful, some would say laughable, existence. Many a time I have experienced, what can only be described as 'drama's' and thought......."you couldn't think that up if you tried!!"
From the incident involving a west highland terrier and a cyclist with a prosthetic arm through to the unwanted house guest I unwittingly bought in from the shed....I'll tell you all about that at a later date though!
I have 2 beautiful daughters of which I shall refer to quite often no doubt, they are funny, pretty, intelligent and most of all the main reason I get up every morning with a smile on my face.
I live with my girls in a 2 bed house close to town, I spend my days volunteering for a local charity, looking after other people's dogs and finding stuff to cook slowly in my new slow cooker.
I hope you enjoy the trials and tribulations of my life, I have certainly been known to raise a few laughs when re-telling my stories......I may also let you in on a few dating experiences too....it's hard enough to find a decent guy, without the added stress of finding they* wet the bed and collect royal doulton figurines!!
*Names may be replaced with Simpsons character's to protect identities.
From the incident involving a west highland terrier and a cyclist with a prosthetic arm through to the unwanted house guest I unwittingly bought in from the shed....I'll tell you all about that at a later date though!
I have 2 beautiful daughters of which I shall refer to quite often no doubt, they are funny, pretty, intelligent and most of all the main reason I get up every morning with a smile on my face.
I live with my girls in a 2 bed house close to town, I spend my days volunteering for a local charity, looking after other people's dogs and finding stuff to cook slowly in my new slow cooker.
I hope you enjoy the trials and tribulations of my life, I have certainly been known to raise a few laughs when re-telling my stories......I may also let you in on a few dating experiences too....it's hard enough to find a decent guy, without the added stress of finding they* wet the bed and collect royal doulton figurines!!
*Names may be replaced with Simpsons character's to protect identities.
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